Resistance, Fear, and Over Analysis

I was struggling to launch a major project this week. I was supposed to have it done by Sunday night, and it is now Friday morning and the project remains undone. Talk about procrastination. It is a big ball of resistance, fear, and over analytical fogginess. I was so stuck. The crazy thing is that this is the thing that I said I wanted to do, it was my idea for Pete's sake! And still I was frozen. Putting myself out there is scary. I had all kinds of stories and fears about my project not being good and no one liking it. Classic fear of failure. That fear of not being good enough kinda runs my life. Fortunately for me, words from Mel Robbins' Ted talk rang in my ear "stop waiting to feel like it".

I knew I had to get in action, carpe that f#*$ing diem Forest! I decided to just do my best and be done with it. I finally finished the project Friday day. It ended up being really great actually, weird.

I realize that I do this all the time. I begin over analyzing. I start thinking that maybe what I am doing isn't such a great idea after all. Then I start envisioning everyone seeing my work and agreeing that it is incredibly underwhelming. That's when the stuck-ness happens. Sometimes for a day sometimes for a month, and it is crippling. I've found that what there is to do, all there is to do, is to look at that fear and resistance. Really look at it gently, mindfully. Gain some awareness as to what is stopping me. And then to run toward that fear, being curious about the resistance seems be the key to life. So when you're feeling crazy over analytical, fearful, and self judgmental here's what's been helpful for me, and maybe it'll be helpful for you.

1. Prepare: Previous preparation prevents poor performance. Part of my fear in creating or launching stems in not feeling well prepared. Most of it is just me being crazy, but when I can get clear on a plan and then just step out on faith, that gets me past the "I don't know what to do" conversation that occurs in my head.
2. Run Towards Resistance: Steven Pressfield in his book "Do The Work" does an amazing job talking about the importance of winning over resistance. Over continuing to move forward in spite of what your inner dialogue is doing. That gets me to commit and keep grinding.
3. Smile: Let go of the meaning and fear you're attaching to this, and know that everything is happening for a reason. Choose to err on the side of optimism. There's no point in doing what you're doing if you're going to be miserable. If that's the case, drop the whole thing and do something that you can feel good about. That's when our best works happens.

References:

Robbins, Mel. "How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over". San Francisco, CA: TEDx SF. 2011. Web.

Pressfield, Steven. Do the Work!: Overcome Resistance and Get out of Your Own Way. Hastings, NY: 

Do You Zoom, 2011. Print. 

How to Choose Your Attitude

At work yesterday, for a Professional Development, we watched this video about consciously choosing how to think and how to feel. It was from a commencement speech by David Foster Wallace, who, as some of my coworkers mentioned, ended up killing himself in 2008.  (This is sad, but it does not undermine his message. The man was incredibly smart and probably had a very overactive mind.)

The words in this video reminded me about why I try to do yoga and meditate. Because if I don’t consciously take charge of and take responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, then the automatic “default settings” of my brain will take over. These default settings are often egotistical, negative, and fear-based. If I want to be peaceful, kind, and content, I must choose the thoughts that come from a deeper, more intuitive place-- the thoughts that are inspiring, positive, and love-based.

Now that sounds wonderful and lofty, but how do you actually do it? How do you train your mind to stop a thought stream in its tracks and choose another focus?

Two things: awareness and practice.

The first step is simple awareness. When you are caught in a thought stream that produces negative feelings or makes your muscles unconsciously contract, notice. Noticing adds a dimension of presence and awareness to your unconscious habit of compulsive thinking. If you can notice, you are conscious enough to make a change. Noticing is the first step, but it is also the most difficult. So often we get wrapped up in our thoughts and interpretations that we believe they are true.

Practice is the second step. It takes practice to become aware of the breath and the body in general. A few times a day, practice some deep and relaxing breaths. Roll the shoulders back and notice if there is unnecessary tension in the shoulders or the jaw or the face. Do your best to relax that unnecessary tension as you breath. Every cell in your body always responds to every single thought in your head, so the body can communicate whether you are in a state of relaxed awareness or a state of unconscious upset.

If this is a new practice, try to integrate it into a tedious daily task like washing dishes or driving. See if you can breathe and relax and become truly present in this task. This can transform the tedium into a zen project.  

Another possible solution:

I came across a free app called Headspace this week. It introduces quick and easy meditation techniques that can transform your day from unconscious to intentional. It’s great for beginners who have no experience with mediation. If you want to try it, make the commitment to do it for at least 5 consecutive days. This will help you to make it a habit and stick with it. It also helps to do it first thing in the morning if possible.

There are probably countless other apps, websites, and other resources that can help you to maintain a conscious awareness. Whatever you choose, make it a part of your ritual and you will start to see your perspective and your life transform.